You know those times when it seems like you have no time to breathe. You've been studying for a test for six hours, you've been spending four hours a night working on a project...and everything you've done is useless...you have six papers to write in two weeks. You know those times? Sometimes, the hard work and stress pays off.
That test I studied six hours for? Highest grade on the lab practical, between an A- and B+ overall.
The slides I spent hours staining? The last two slides turned out to be brain, which means I CAN USE THEM!
The papers I have to write? I can do it.
Sometimes, it just takes ton of stress to teach you what you're capable of. So, don't give up. Learn what it takes to get what you want. If that's truly what you want, never give up.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
10 Years
Ten years ago this morning, my grandpa died. He was 92. A lot has changed in ten years. I was a much different person when he was alive. I was still in 4th grade. I hadn't solidified my plans for my life; now, I'm halfway to applying for vet school. I hadn't been to Italy yet, which was a huge turning point in my travels. I hadn't taken any German yet, and now I want to become fluent. I hadn't started dating yet.
I didn't have a reason for my tattoo yet.
Interesting how life can change in ten years. One thing hasn't changed, though. I still wish he were still here. I still miss him. And I wonder if he'd be proud of me now. I really hope so.
I didn't have a reason for my tattoo yet.
Interesting how life can change in ten years. One thing hasn't changed, though. I still wish he were still here. I still miss him. And I wonder if he'd be proud of me now. I really hope so.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Music
So, I'm stealing a quote from Dan over at Wandering with Purpose. Check his blog out. It's usually full of really awesome thoughtful things. Here's the quote:
It's really true. Music is the one thing I will never complain about. Even when my life is vomiting all over my schedule, I never complain about the music.
Even the days when everything's looming on the horizon, and I'm sure my life is about to explode, and I'm crying right before rehearsal...I get to rehearsal determined to stay in a bad mood and be unproductive...and I leave with a smile on my face. Not a grin, but a definite smile.
When it feels like everything's crashing down around me, I put on some music and cry and scream and, before I know it, I feel better. Sometimes it only takes a song or two. Sometimes it takes half a playlist. But pretty soon, I feel like I can handle my life. Amazing, isn't it?
So, have a good music. It may not start happy or work right away, but you'll feel better. Even singing along to something ridiculous on the radio or humming some random tune you're making up as you go. It helps.
When it comes to making music, I'm not going to complain about lengthy rehearsals or numerous musical commitments. That doesn't make sense to me. I chose this line of work the day I chose to pick up the double bass and every day after when I chose to continue playing. When you're doing what you love, it really is as simple as that.
It's really true. Music is the one thing I will never complain about. Even when my life is vomiting all over my schedule, I never complain about the music.
Even the days when everything's looming on the horizon, and I'm sure my life is about to explode, and I'm crying right before rehearsal...I get to rehearsal determined to stay in a bad mood and be unproductive...and I leave with a smile on my face. Not a grin, but a definite smile.
When it feels like everything's crashing down around me, I put on some music and cry and scream and, before I know it, I feel better. Sometimes it only takes a song or two. Sometimes it takes half a playlist. But pretty soon, I feel like I can handle my life. Amazing, isn't it?
So, have a good music. It may not start happy or work right away, but you'll feel better. Even singing along to something ridiculous on the radio or humming some random tune you're making up as you go. It helps.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Confidence
I've been noticing a really weird trend with myself. Something will happen, and I'll feel very strongly about it. Then, I'll say or do something and immediately feel like I've overreacted, especially if someone says no to my idea. Then I'll feel ridiculously embarrassed by the whole situation and want to forget it completely. What is with that? Am I really so unsure of myself that I immediately dismiss all of my convictions as overreacting? Well, I refuse to be embarrassed this time. I am ending the cycle!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Maturity
Last night I discovered that the rest of the year will be a test of endurance and maturity, thanks to my roommate. Long story really short, she treated a friend in a way I considered unacceptable over the weekend. I didn't say anything until Wednesday night, when it finally ate at me too much to hold it back. It was bad timing, yes, but I had to say it. I essentially told her that, regardless of where you're raised (America or abroad), the rules for friends should be the same. It's friends first, until they become shitty friends. She wasn't a shitty friend, but by saying she couldn't be friends with our friend as long as she was with her boyfriend was a shitty thing to do. She LOVED that.
We fought yesterday morning and evening. In the evening, I tried to say that maybe what would make rooming work is to focus on solely being roommates, rather than roommates and friends, because the friendship was getting to be too stressful. She's decided that my friend and I are not her friends anymore three times over three weekends this term. And more last term. I can't do that anymore. It is too much. So, she decided I was calling her a bad roommate. I started crying, trying to explain what I was trying to say and how I was feeling, and she stormed out (crying in front of her isn't acceptable, apparently, because she used to use it as a tool to get what she wanted from her parents. I have no tricks like that. I cry when I'm extremely hurt, which I was.).
Last night, when I finally got home, she started making snide comments about everything, with me responding in the same way. But I'm done with that. No more snideness and rudeness. I will be the bigger person. I will smother her with friendliness and politeness. She wants to play this game? Let's see her get a rise or an argument out of me. I have a 12-year-old brother. I can play this game for a LONG time. Bring it on.
We fought yesterday morning and evening. In the evening, I tried to say that maybe what would make rooming work is to focus on solely being roommates, rather than roommates and friends, because the friendship was getting to be too stressful. She's decided that my friend and I are not her friends anymore three times over three weekends this term. And more last term. I can't do that anymore. It is too much. So, she decided I was calling her a bad roommate. I started crying, trying to explain what I was trying to say and how I was feeling, and she stormed out (crying in front of her isn't acceptable, apparently, because she used to use it as a tool to get what she wanted from her parents. I have no tricks like that. I cry when I'm extremely hurt, which I was.).
Last night, when I finally got home, she started making snide comments about everything, with me responding in the same way. But I'm done with that. No more snideness and rudeness. I will be the bigger person. I will smother her with friendliness and politeness. She wants to play this game? Let's see her get a rise or an argument out of me. I have a 12-year-old brother. I can play this game for a LONG time. Bring it on.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friends
Last night was pretty horrid. Not only was I trying to help my roommate through a rough time, I was having a rough night. A good friend brought up my ex, which wasn't bad in and of itself. I just got to thinking and the hurt came back. Later in the night, I started talking to a different ex and very good friend. Often, we fight over everything and can't stand each other. At times like last night, though, he was there for me and really -cared-. And that felt really good. I know that no matter what happens, some of my friends will understand what's going on completely and be there for me and care about me. He also helped me push through some of my deep-seated fears. He'll never bullshit me, and I love that. He'll give me a harsh, completely honest assessment of my life. I need it sometimes. Thanks, Donald.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
2008
It's not New Year's yet, but it's close...Time to look back.
Resolutions: Did I keep 'em?
1: Swear less, and use the Lord's name in vain much less. I forgot about this one...and I haven't...
2: Take better care of myself - eat better, lose weight, exercise more, etc. I don't want to see that as a resolution ever again.Yes! I have finally proven to myself that I can do this! Hell yeah! This is probably THE most difficult thing I've managed. I lost 20 pounds in 6 months, and it's awesome. I feel so good. I can do this thing.
I'm gonna jump on a bandwagon with a 40-question thing stolen from LJ. Thought it was interesting...
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I've started to really claim my independence. I enjoy it.
2. Ddi you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept one, really well. The other...not in the slightest.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yep. I have a new nephew, who is adorable.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully. Hopefully I'll have a few years before then...
5. What countries did you visit?
Spain. It was an incredible experience.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I could still use that new Creative, funnily enough. Other than that, a boyfriend would be nice, but all hope is not lost.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
November 4, Barack Obama was elected President. We did it!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally gaining control of my life in an amazing way. I feel so empowered. It's wonderful.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not working up the nerve to go for it. Maybe this time...I'll get lucky..;)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got pretty sick right before finals. Love being sick >_<>
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A bunch of things, actually. Snow boots, winter coat, dress boots, lots...
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Will is always there for me when I need him. It's wonderful. JJ, too. Edd's been a huge help, and he's brought up his grades, so he's coming back to Knox! Pretty much all of my guys have been amazing. So have my sisters. I miss them like crazy!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
26-year-old over the summer. Bad news bears...Jenny: Enough. Just enough. Roommate at times has driven me CRAZY. People in general. Be polite and considerate in retail stores and restaurants. Please.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Books, school, food, gifts.
15. What did you get really, really excited about?
Going back to school, seeing Jersey Boys and Madama Butterfly, Spain, choir stuff in general.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
Artists more than songs: Michael Buble and Jason Mraz. And Eric Whitacre. And Canticum.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a)Happier or sadder? Happier, if more stressed.
b) Skinner or fatter? Thinner. Yay!
c) Richer or poorer? Richer! Still yay for jobs, even if it's the same one you hate.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Going out with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Having money stolen.
20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope, for the first time in a while.
21. How many one-night stands?
As if!
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes, House, Monk, Psych, Law & Order, Will & Grace.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I like some people more that I hated last year. Go me!
24. What was the best book you read?
Children of God, anything Jane Austen.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Michael Buble and new Jason Mraz.
26. What did you want and get?
A fantastic roommate and amazing friends!!! Hope.
27. What did you want and not get?
Nothing really. I'd have liked more music/books, but I can always use more of them.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Atonement, Sweeney Todd, 27 Dresses, Dark Knight. Good year for movies.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 19, and I did no homework, went to bed early, and went to class for my birthday.
30. What's one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Straight A's, but I'm really close.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Skirts. Heels.
32. What kept you sane?
Choir, Edd, JJ, the rest of my guys.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Daniel Radcliffe. He's still hot, haha. And the usual Johnny Depp (incredibly hot Sweeney) and Hugh Jackman. Never changes, really, although I'll add Dermot Mulroney. Yummm...
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Global warming, the economy, universal healthcare, gay rights.
35. Who did you miss?
My family, babies, friends.
36. Who were the best new people you met?
Nani! And Kathy, and all the amazing first-years!
37. What do you look forward to in 2009?
Another incredible choir tour with unbelievable music.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Be comfortable with yourself. Only then will things really work out for you.
39. What song lyrics best sum up 2007 for you?
"Spent way too much time checking my tongue in the mirror, bending over backwards to try to see it clearer, but my breath fogged up the glass, so I drew a new face and laughed." "Save the last dance for me." "Open up your mind and see like me. Open up your plans, and damn you're free. It's our god-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved." All of "To Where You Are".
Resolutions: Did I keep 'em?
1: Swear less, and use the Lord's name in vain much less. I forgot about this one...and I haven't...
2: Take better care of myself - eat better, lose weight, exercise more, etc. I don't want to see that as a resolution ever again.Yes! I have finally proven to myself that I can do this! Hell yeah! This is probably THE most difficult thing I've managed. I lost 20 pounds in 6 months, and it's awesome. I feel so good. I can do this thing.
I'm gonna jump on a bandwagon with a 40-question thing stolen from LJ. Thought it was interesting...
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I've started to really claim my independence. I enjoy it.
2. Ddi you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept one, really well. The other...not in the slightest.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yep. I have a new nephew, who is adorable.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully. Hopefully I'll have a few years before then...
5. What countries did you visit?
Spain. It was an incredible experience.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I could still use that new Creative, funnily enough. Other than that, a boyfriend would be nice, but all hope is not lost.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
November 4, Barack Obama was elected President. We did it!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally gaining control of my life in an amazing way. I feel so empowered. It's wonderful.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not working up the nerve to go for it. Maybe this time...I'll get lucky..;)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got pretty sick right before finals. Love being sick >_<>
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A bunch of things, actually. Snow boots, winter coat, dress boots, lots...
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Will is always there for me when I need him. It's wonderful. JJ, too. Edd's been a huge help, and he's brought up his grades, so he's coming back to Knox! Pretty much all of my guys have been amazing. So have my sisters. I miss them like crazy!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
26-year-old over the summer. Bad news bears...Jenny: Enough. Just enough. Roommate at times has driven me CRAZY. People in general. Be polite and considerate in retail stores and restaurants. Please.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Books, school, food, gifts.
15. What did you get really, really excited about?
Going back to school, seeing Jersey Boys and Madama Butterfly, Spain, choir stuff in general.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
Artists more than songs: Michael Buble and Jason Mraz. And Eric Whitacre. And Canticum.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a)Happier or sadder? Happier, if more stressed.
b) Skinner or fatter? Thinner. Yay!
c) Richer or poorer? Richer! Still yay for jobs, even if it's the same one you hate.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Going out with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Having money stolen.
20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope, for the first time in a while.
21. How many one-night stands?
As if!
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes, House, Monk, Psych, Law & Order, Will & Grace.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I like some people more that I hated last year. Go me!
24. What was the best book you read?
Children of God, anything Jane Austen.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Michael Buble and new Jason Mraz.
26. What did you want and get?
A fantastic roommate and amazing friends!!! Hope.
27. What did you want and not get?
Nothing really. I'd have liked more music/books, but I can always use more of them.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Atonement, Sweeney Todd, 27 Dresses, Dark Knight. Good year for movies.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 19, and I did no homework, went to bed early, and went to class for my birthday.
30. What's one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Straight A's, but I'm really close.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Skirts. Heels.
32. What kept you sane?
Choir, Edd, JJ, the rest of my guys.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Daniel Radcliffe. He's still hot, haha. And the usual Johnny Depp (incredibly hot Sweeney) and Hugh Jackman. Never changes, really, although I'll add Dermot Mulroney. Yummm...
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Global warming, the economy, universal healthcare, gay rights.
35. Who did you miss?
My family, babies, friends.
36. Who were the best new people you met?
Nani! And Kathy, and all the amazing first-years!
37. What do you look forward to in 2009?
Another incredible choir tour with unbelievable music.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Be comfortable with yourself. Only then will things really work out for you.
39. What song lyrics best sum up 2007 for you?
"Spent way too much time checking my tongue in the mirror, bending over backwards to try to see it clearer, but my breath fogged up the glass, so I drew a new face and laughed." "Save the last dance for me." "Open up your mind and see like me. Open up your plans, and damn you're free. It's our god-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved." All of "To Where You Are".
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